The Fundamentals Of Genuine Quality Time
Today it was just me and my mum. Initially we had different plans but in the end, we ended up spending real quality time together and I was just happy about it. My brother is out-of-town so I and mum decided we were just going to spend the day doing whatever we felt like. We visited my mum’s friend, went shopping, then went to my favorite restaurant for dinner and finally went to my aunt’s house and had a blast.
When we came home, I took a moment to think about my day and how it hadn’t been productive in any work-related way. However, it was a truly great day!
This day reminded me of the importance of quality time with my mother and it made me feel the way I sometimes felt in previous summers when I wasn’t obliged to do anything. Because today I didn’t worry too much about not having have worked, I had such a relaxing time. I basically…
Didn’t think about what I wasn’t doing
It’s really odd how often we are doing one thing in a very regretful manner because we are thinking about the things we are not doing at that moment. Like being out with a friend and constantly thinking about the exam you have to study for, I know it has happened. Or, being at work and thinking about another job that you have to do. It’s so common! But we don’t benefit from it at all.
When we left my mum’s friend I mentioned how I had to study and my mum told me that I shouldn’t think about it now. And she was right because we weren’t planning to head back home anytime soon and I would just worry for no reason. Unless an issue is so persistent in which case we should just leave and get to it, worrying about something and not being able to or deciding not to do anything about it is just stressful.
So do yourself a favor and plan ahead or just quit worrying and accept your current situation. Which brings me to…
I honestly cannot stress this one enough! The times that most people are just not mindful of their actions and surroundings are overwhelmingly common. I know that phones and social media and whatnot are a major cause but they’re not something we cannot control. The more we are out of focus on what we are experiencing, the more we will miss out on it. When you grow up and have more control of where you put yourself, don’t be in environments that you absolutely don’t want to be in. And when you are where you want to be, why not pay attention?!
So, today I paid attention to every part of the day, to my mum’s friend who really likes me, to the shopping (that was really easy!), to the dinner (that was also honestly easy), to my aunt and cousins, but most importantly to my mother. I found the time and space to connect with her and to open my heart to her. I haven’t had time to actually be mindful and present with her for a long time despite living together because of how busy both our lives are. However, today was not about work nor about personal time, it was about our relationship.
Well, quality time basically means spending time with someone and giving them your attention so that you build up your relationship. It is pretty straightforward but so rare. A lot of people expect more from their relationships than they are willing to give forgetting that caring for someone is beneficial for them too. It’s not just for altruistic people and you will surely feel better if you make your loved ones feel good. It’s just how human relationships work, how quality time makes sense.
As I already mentioned, don’t let yourself be in surroundings that you don’t like (if you can), and also don’t be in relationships that don’t satisfy you in any way. If you are in a good relationship, you will not only be okay with giving your attention to that person, you will absolutely love to spend quality time with them and be present at that. If it feels like a TON of work, I’m sorry to say that it may not be a good relationship. Nonetheless, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work to better your relationship, I do that myself with ones that I cherish despite the many challenges they pose.
I really do recommend to focus on spending quality time with the people who are important in your life. Don’t make it always about yourself, give them attention and love. It will pay off and feel great to you too if you truly love them. No relationship should be only about one person, whether it’s your parent, your boy/girlfriend, your husband/wife, your friend, colleague or even your neighbor. Whoever you create relationships with, make them about both of you!